An Exercise in Art Criticism and Creative Writing.

Jacket Potato.

"Jacket potato?" cried Fred.
"I will not eat a jacket potato without a side of human head."

Gurtrude brought Fred his head.

He did not look happy.

"This head is too green" he said.

All the other servants began to offer Fred foods. They brought crab, cheese, wine, dog, paint brushes and birds but Fred was set on wanting head for dinner.

Eventually a beautiful lady named Benigna came along. She offered Fred a dome shaped head.

And Fred was pleased.

And the servants breathed a sigh of relief.

Captain Blackbeard's Surprise Birthday Party.

Everyone had to enjoy the theme which was silly headgear/facial hair.

All food had to be hilarious in the style of Heston Blumenthal, for Blackbeard loved a good joke.

One guest brought a plate of live ducks and held it above Santa's head.

One man brought a plate of Scary Lobster.

A tiny midget elf boy wanted to feed Blackbeard a surprise monkey he found outside, but the 3 plump ladies all chipped in for a fruit cake in the shape of a head.

Sir Peter Paul Rubens 1577-1640